trust in the unknown

almost ten years ago (has it been ten years already?), i was diagnosed with endometriosis. save for the random pelvic cramping, i had hardly any symptoms save for the spotting that i'd get in between periods.  since a friend had just had her ovary removed, i didn't think twice about going to the doctor to have myself checked out.  within a month, i discovered i had a condition that would threaten my reproductive future, lost one ovary, and learned to drive.

yep, that was also the same time i learned to drive.

i then crashed the car, got spike, sold spike after almost 9 years, got diego, and boom -- my doctor tells me that the endometriosis might be back. uh-oh.

right after my operation, my doctor then told me that i had to get married and have babies so that if and when my condition came back, it would be a no-brainer to get a hysterectomy.  if only suitable husbands grew on trees right? in my case, i finished law school, build a career brick by brick, and learned to be totally independent. somewhere alone the way, i had forgotten that i had to find a spouse, get pregnant, and raise a child.

as i type this post, there's a throbbing pain that won't go away.  the doctor told me to get a ca125 blood test to rule out cancer (very vague possibility, thank goodness!) and gave me something to take for the next ten days.  i have another appointment next week -- so that she can tell me the results of the blood test -- and i suppose a couple more ultrasounds to check the "progress" of the thing i'm growing inside of me.

but, you know what, i'm okay. i'm actually unafraid of whatever it is that may come my way cause as it is, God has already blessed me.  with all of my previous jobs, anything related to my reproductive system has been tagged as "pre-existing" since i got the condition before my employer got the insurance for me.  now, everything's covered, 100%!  all procedures, all consultations, all medications! now, isn't that blessing enough???

mean words make you even more unpretty

last friday, a person i consider to be a good friend was just plain mean.  i couldn't understand why she had to be so cutting with her remarks, and the funny thing was, it was so totally unprovoked, so totally unnecessary, and (here's the mean girl in me) so not even witty (i'm a firm believer that you have to be at least witty to insult people) that all i could say was, "that was mean."

of course, as i was driving home that night, i had a hundred million perfect retorts swirling in my head, and the fact that i'm still thinking about it now, almost a week later, means that i felt truly offended by what she did.  the ironic thing was that, i think (of course i could be wrong) that she was just trying to be funny, except that i wasn't laughing.

you judge:

me: hey, our outfits are similar. (she was wearing a blouse with studs, and i was wearing a dress with studs)
her: oo nga eh, nakakainis.

well, she's known as one of those mataray girls, and remarks like that are normal for her.  but for once, i didn't appreciate the (lack of ) humor in her words, and even after i told her that what she said wasn't very nice, she shrugged my comments off as if she didn't really care and meant every single word of it.

in any case, let that experience be a lesson for me: mean words don't only hurt other people; mean words make the speaker even more unpretty.

(and that same night, a new friend went up to me and said, "i really like the way you dress" which was totally unexpected since (1) it was a guy speaking and (2) he wasn't gay. some measure of comfort, right? and come one, since you're reading this and you're my friend, wouldn't you agree that you wouldn't mind wearing a similar outfit if you could look as cute as i was in that outfit? hahaha.)

it is finished

i think it was july when a friend told me about the opening, and since i had just forwarded my resume to another company, it wasn't so complicated to forward my updated resume to him so he can forward it to his company's human resources department.  after two interviews, and a tension-filled wait, i got the call on 19 august 2011: they want me.

and god only knows how much i wanted them, hahaha.

in any case, the offer came with a benefits big and small. and from the very first benefit we availed of onwards, it felt like a wrangling shabu from an addict.  i sent bazillions of emails (which were punctuated by an "atty." every time i'd get really, really mad), and i spewed venom (only when necessary, giving birth to lines such as "saan nanggaling yung address na yan, sa imagination mo?"), and i whined incessantly to my boss (god bless her super kind soul) every time i had difficulty coordinating with everyone.

ironically, the "hardest fought" benefit ended up being the landline at home.

in any case, they finally installed it today. so i can finally say that all my benefits are "in place" and the human resources department can breathe a huge sigh of relief and say, "it is finished."

collect moments, not things

a long time ago, right after i sort of regretted picking the mini lin over the monogram, i told myself that i'll get myself a monogram speedy 35 when i turn 35.

that was last march. so far, i don't see any additional louis in my closet.

i did surprise myself by taking an almost impromptu trip to singapore. i hadn't really budgeted for it, and most of my good friends didn't even know about it. but when i'm tired or stressed or lost, i think of the weekend i spent walking around the city with my cousin, the sunday riding coasters with a friend, or the saturday night i met up again with a friend i used to spend hours talking to and i know in my heart that while a speedy 35 would look insanely amazing on my arm, not getting one isn't something that's going to haunt me on my death bed.

so last weekend i was able to go up mayon volcano. and while i didn't get to swim with the butandings, i did give it two tries. the money i spent could've gone towards renovating the master's bedroom + bath, but i had fun, got to know my friends a bit more, and chalked up another city on my list.

as someone living on a single income, and someone still trying to figure out what exactly it means to be an adult, there money that comes every payday can only be stretched so much. oh i won't deny how much i want to buy those platform pumps at payless, but for now, between the pumps i've been eyeing for more than a month now and treating my boss + secretary on account of my regularization, i think i'll opt for the latter for now.

experiences before things. yes, that's my motto for now. and maybe, just maybe, by the time i have extra money for those platform pumps, they'll be on sale :)

my lenten vacation

this year, instead of just doing our usual bisita iglesia, my tuloy friends and i decided to go on a full-fledged out of town trip and went to bicol. as is always the case when i travel with these guys, it was an amazing trip. bullet points:

* the less people, the more manageable the trip. four has always been our magic number.

* pick travel mates who aren't fussy, who share the same interest that you have, and who either take the lead or take a back seat. leave back in manila all those with opinions but never do anything but complain. they're an unnecessary waste of space, hahaha.

* snoring isn't a problem when all of you are crazy tired. everyone will just be dead to the world. and if someone complains about snoring, then leave that person back in manila next time, hahaha!

* if you have a tendency to overpack (like me!) bring a trolley. at least you don't have to carry it all on your back. and you don't have to wait for someone to carry it for you.

* on a 12-hour++ bus ride, sit beside a like-minded person. if you're madaldal, don't sit beside the person who'll be asleep way before the bus leaves alabang viaduct.

* and, oh, bring a pillow + blanket + wear sneakers with socks if you're the type who gets cold. no use giving yourself unnecessary woe when the bus gets deathly cold.

* all it takes is one companion with a dslr camera. your point-and-shoot will see less use than your phone with a data plan.

* research, research, research! and then when you're there, relax. your watch is only to make sure you don't miss your ride. everything else is one vacation time.